[2007-10-18 | 18:41 | ICQ]
G@n$taGirl: u there
sorry my driver needed to pick me up. big dinner
autumn_leaves: all good. played on the pc until my sister kicked me off
now im on my mobile
G@n$taGirl: i just went on the school forum. ivetta boosted my reputation
so i dropped hers by 50 points.
autumn_leaves: brutal!
G@n$taGirl: left a comment saying "stop kissing everyone's ass. i just don't like you."
autumn_leaves: god, we really hate everyone, don't we?
G@n$taGirl: everyone except us.
ok listen
i messaged murat
autumn_leaves: of course you did
G@n$taGirl: i said “skipping school again? scared?”
autumn_leaves: you flirt like a boy
G@n$taGirl: that's why it works
HE REPLIED
autumn_leaves: what
G@n$taGirl: “lol”
autumn_leaves: romance
G@n$taGirl: THEN “u were funny today”
autumn_leaves: funny like… memorable?
G@n$taGirl: EXACTLY
autumn_leaves: you’re translating him into poetry
G@n$taGirl: dont ruin it
also i texted viktor
autumn_leaves: weed viktor?
G@n$taGirl: dont call him that
autumn_leaves: everyone calls him that
G@n$taGirl: he’s smart. he just sells to idiots
he answers instantly
like im normal
autumn_leaves: you are normal
G@n$taGirl: my rabbit ate my mom’s orchids again btw.
autumn_leaves: well, at least someone in your family is a punk.
G@n$taGirl: iconic
send me that song u promised
autumn_leaves: tokio hotel?
G@n$taGirl: YES
autumn_leaves: tokio hotel is trash
G@n$taGirl: ur trash
autumn_leaves: i heard something yesterday on enter music
G@n$taGirl: what
autumn_leaves: ilyena
it took me to heaven, i swear
[2007-10-23 | 03:25 | ICQ]
misfit_kid: u alive
autumn_leaves: barely
my head is like a tv with no signal
misfit_kid: my tongue feels like paper
like i licked a battery
autumn_leaves: drink water
misfit_kid: i am
but water tastes like glass
btw…your people noticed?
autumn_leaves: no. they were asleep already
misfit_kid: mom asked me if i bought bread
autumn_leaves: we could be dying and the only thing they care about is fucking bread
ceiling is breathing again
misfit_kid: YES
it’s a dinosaur
a huge stupid dinosaur staring at me
autumn_leaves: u got helicopters?
misfit_kid: my hands are floating
i swear they’re not attached
i move them and they lag behind
autumn_leaves: good
let them float
misfit_kid: lol
you’re evil tonight
autumn_leaves: i’m honest tonight
misfit_kid: i like you like this
you don’t look like you’re hurting
autumn_leaves: i’m not
that’s the point
misfit_kid: wish school was like this
autumn_leaves: school is the opposite of this
school is where souls die
misfit_kid: you talk like god is typing for you
autumn_leaves: god is offline
like our whole town
misfit_kid: ahahahaha
true
wait
was i puking yesterday or did i hallucinate
autumn_leaves: you were puking
you said "i think i’m giving birth to a kettle"
misfit_kid: NO WAY
i remember that
autumn_leaves: then you tried to talk to the toilet like it was your therapist
misfit_kid: what did it say
autumn_leaves: that you’re an idiot
misfit_kid: fair
ok serious question
where do i ask her out
zero money
two pairs of pants
autumn_leaves: doesn’t matter where
she always looks like nobody in the world amuses her
but you do
you’re a professional idiot
misfit_kid: wow
the oracle speaks
and what else does the psychic know
do i stay broke forever
autumn_leaves: no
we get out
university
work
stupid money
misfit_kid: black converse?
autumn_leaves: pink laces
misfit_kid: dirty pink is fashion
like your hair
autumn_leaves: exactly
and a real guitar
and coffee every day
not "only if there’s something left"
misfit_kid: …
my mom was told to get rid of me once
dad’s mom said i’d ruin everything
autumn_leaves: but you didn’t
you’re still here
so you were needed
misfit_kid: you’re terrifying sometimes
autumn_leaves: i’m just tired of cages in people’s heads
misfit_kid: ok then
what do i do now oracle
autumn_leaves: take her to the bus depot
sit on cold concrete
let the buses roar
make poverty look like a french movie
misfit_kid: jesus
you’re a psycho
…but you really think i make her laugh
autumn_leaves: i see it
misfit_kid: ok
i’m scared you’ll disappear one day
autumn_leaves: i’m here
misfit_kid: two wasted idiots
autumn_leaves: two idiots trying to survive
[2007-11-02 | 00:17 | ICQ]
boot46: wait. is your birth date real?
autumn_leaves: yeah
boot46: you’re serious?
autumn_leaves: about being born? yes
boot46: no. i mean– you’re actually 15?
autumn_leaves: that’s what the math says
boot46: i thought you were in college. at least.
you're very mature for your age.
autumn_leaves: i’m not mature. i’m just quiet.
boot46: still.
it’s weird. i'm 41. my wife is asleep in the next room.
and i shouldn't be complaining about my life to a kid this late.
autumn_leaves: then don’t
boot46: i didn’t mean it like that.
sorry.
autumn_leaves: it’s fine
boot46: sometimes i read your posts and i feel like you already know how everything ends.
autumn_leaves: everyone knows. they just pretend they don’t.
boot46: my wife was a mistake.
not my kids. never them.
but the whole thing. the house. the dinners. the pretending.
autumn_leaves: you loved her once though
boot46: i did.
and now i look at her and feel nothing. that scares me.
autumn_leaves: maybe it’s not nothing. maybe it’s exhaustion.
boot46: you talk like you’ve been married.
autumn_leaves: i’ve watched people live. same thing.
boot46: jesus.
autumn_leaves: don’t say jesus like that. he might be online too.
[2007-11-07 | 03:09 | ICQ]
m.: why are you alive
autumn_leaves: because my body keeps waking up
m.: that’s not an answer
autumn_leaves: then because i want to leave
m.: leave where
autumn_leaves: any place where nobody knows my name
m.: who are you
autumn_leaves: a person on a small screen
a daughter my mother can’t forgive
a girl with hair the color of a bruise
m.: who do you want to become
autumn_leaves: someone with keys
someone who can lock a door and not apologize
m.: do you believe in god
autumn_leaves: i believe in witnesses
m.: what do you want
autumn_leaves: quiet
and a future that doesn’t feel like punishment
m.: ok
don’t die before you get it
autumn_leaves: ok
[m. (invisible)]
Iryna Somkina’s work has appeared in Do Not Submit, The Gorko Gazette, Citywide Lunch, and Hawkeye Magazine.